Back in Olympia: the first 24 hours, Arizona, and no gold stars for me.

Dear Arizona,

I flew out of you yesterday in the late morning. My plane landed 25 minutes early but my shuttle was 20 minutes late. I suppose it evened out. The flight was uneventful. I read for a while (Dad gave me Water for Elephants after he’d finished it over the break, but I had been reading The Bell Jar- which Sydney lent me, that doll. Reminds me: give Syd her book back asap!- so I began it while waiting to board the plane. So far it’s great. I’m a little over 100 pages in), listened to music I rearranged into alternative cover pieces in my head, and then eventually fell into an uncomfortable, twitchy sleep that resulted in my waking due to my right arm being chronically asleep for the last 45 minutes of the flight. But once I landed, got my bags, and finally was seated in the shuttle (more waiting and travelling… yay…) I listened to a softer music and watched the beauty of Washington go by through the window.

It’s good to be back. To be in my second home. The shuttle ride home was much better this time than last time, since we only stopped two times before getting to campus, although by the end of the trip I had to pee just as badly as last time. Oh wait, TMI or…? Anyway! The weather is cold and wet but beautiful. The universe has already decided to play a little hilarious, albeit a bit unnerving, trick on me. Last night I slept soundly and snugly in my bed (after a lot of close spider inspections and a ton of peppermint spray… and, I’ll admit it, missing my AZ house). I’ve eaten three insufficient Greenery meals, however each meal was enjoyed with my friends, whom I missed immensely. I’ve already tip-toed over a rather springy, moss covered log, stepped in a sludge of mud, and sat around a twiggy fire in the forest. Last night I made a dream catcher and then joined up with Cosima, Sydney, and Cora to craft. I went to the first class of the semester today and I think all the technology nonsense I had dealt with before break is all settled.

A lady in my class was explaining what she was going to be studying and the project she’d be doing. She briefly mentioned to the class this book called Punishment by Reward by Alfie Kohn and explained a bit about how it explains that rewards to finish something can actually distract the individual from learning. We strive for the gold star only to find that in the end we have no idea how we got it, but damn it, we did get it. One of my professors then brought up the learning vs. doing argument, in which learning takes two steps but doing only takes one. In learning, you must do and then reflect. Doing, of course, stops at the point of finishing.

This discussion made me realize something I already knew, so I suppose I just re-realized it, but it struck me nonetheless. Last semester I was a bit discouraged and very frustrated because I didn’t know what my gold star was. I would do work or research or sometimes just jam around with others and feel enlightened musically by it, but I never felt like I got my gold star. But, hey, my life isn’t about how many gold stars I manage to collect. The reason I’m even here, in Washington, is to learn and begin a new chapter of my life. And I’d be hard-pressed to say that ISN’T what I’ve been doing. So, I don’t need any gold stars. I’ll take learning and living over doing an rewards, thank you very much!

I am extraordinarily excited to be back and start a new semester. I feel like last semester was just filled with so much moving and growing and (fill in the blank) that this semester will come with it’s own this, that, and things I haven’t even thought of yet. And while I already miss my parents, my dogs, Ethan’s contagious smile, the comforts of my home and the rest of my wonderful family, it’s nice to lie in bed with my twinkle lights on and my entire life moving.

I suppose those things could happen anywhere, but I guess it’s awfully nice for it to be happening right here in this moment.
Goodnight, Arizona.
I miss you already.

Tomorrow’s agenda includes: the gym, grocery shopping, cleaning my room (part II), the beginning of research, improv, and whatever else happens.

xo, –E.

ps. a few pictures of the E. Hortons.